So Friday May 13th I found out I was pregnant. It was hard to believe. I think between Friday & Monday I tested almost ten times to make sure. The lines were always very light and never got darker but I still let myself get hopeful. By the time I tested on Monday the tests reverted back to negative. I was so confused and I wasn't sure what to do. Fortunately I had a few people to talk to on a website I frequent. By the time Tuesday came around I lost what could have been my first child. I discovered I had a Chemical Pregnancy. I still don't know how to feel. Sometimes I feel hopeful knowing I can get pregnant but then on days like today I sat by myself at home I let myself think too much. I tortured myself by looking at baby stuff and ultra-sounds. I know it's silly but I couldn't help it. Tomorrow I am going to the doctors to confirm everything. Hopefully everything is okay and I can start over. So hopefully the little one that I lost will watch over us and keep me positive.
On another note jobs are finally being posted for next year. I sent out an application for one of them. There are 4 more for me to complete. Two are very close to being done, all I have to do is print out somethings, complete the application & burn my e-portfolio. I also have to go to the store and get envelopes & to the post office. Hopefully as we come to summer more jobs will be posted in my area. I am so nervous but excited at the same time.
This is another bittersweet moment for me. My hope is to get pregnant in the next few months. My other hope is to get a job in a school system. Here is where my dilemma is. If I stay at the job I am at I will have my child with me all day. If I get a teaching job I will have to put my child in daycare and I won't be able to be there. But, it will be a serious pay increase and I will also have summers off. I'm just so nervous. I am such a planner and this is a point in my life where I cannot for sure make plans on my future.
Life is wonderful, and I love the way things are going. I am so blessed for what I have. So my mode of thought is hopeful. And I hope I can keep up that frame of mind.
No comments:
Post a Comment